There is a common misperception that living the life you are meant to live will feel amazing. That once you’ve found that THING you are meant to do, life is sunshine and roses and it’s all down hill from there. I think knowing what our deepest desires are and ignoring them, is actually the cause of our greatest suffering. When we aren’t being our best selves, we feel the dissonance. We’ve got this nagging voice in our heads that never shuts up. When we try to take action to be better and do better, it creates hard work, fear and resistance. Whether it’s learning to meditate, exercise, looking for a job, asking for a promotion, starting a business, writing a book, the more important it is to us, the more resistance comes up for us. I see change happening in these four predictable steps.
1. Everything is fine. You are living your dream. You are content and appreciating your life as it is. Your internal voice and your actions are aligned, allowing you to move throughout your days with integrity and simplicity. (Remember the days before all your friends starting having kids? You were content with it being a far off dream.)
2. Your life looks fine from the outside, you have everything you wanted and are happy and grateful……BUT a little voice on the inside keeps nagging at you. This voice, whether you call it your conscience, your intuition, your gut instinct, your inner guidance, whatever, it won’t relax. You try and ignore, suppress it, deny it and it works for a while but it never really goes away. Instead we get more creative in our attempts to shut it up, we over-eat, over-drink, over-work, over-exercise, over-analyze, watch too much TV, worry, micro-manage, you name it, we’ve used it. We expend so much energy to tune out that inner voice that just wants us to grow. This voice can be your closest ally, steering you into the life you are meant to live, or your worst enemy, making you miserable until you obey it.
You’ll know it’s time for your next level of growth because you’ll start getting bored, restless, and irritable. People will get on your nerves. You will complain more. Doing things you used to enjoy, won’t be as enjoyable. You will try everything and anything to resist this calling, until the pain of resisting it, grows bigger than the pain of change.
3. You accepted the call! You’ve figured out what that inner voice was trying to tell you and are taking actions towards that goal. Your inner voice and outer life are in alignment and it feels SO MUCH BETTER! Life feels richer. (Falling in Love! Conception! Promotion!) Life is beautiful! You feel free and powerful until…..
4. The fear shows up. “Who do I think I am?” “Why am I doing this?” “This is too hard” “I know this is what I’m meant to do, how come nobody is supporting me?” FINDING your calling feels great but pursuing it is really hard! You try to go back to your old life but it doesn’t work, like wearing clothes that are too tight, you’ve already grown. Not pursuing your dreams and goals feels horrible so you commit to feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
I believe it is our obligation to grow. There are many people around the globe and throughout history who were so focused on survival, they didn’t have the luxury of personal growth. If we have our basic needs met, I believe it is our responsibility to listen to our inner guidance and accept our calling. Growth is painful and scary and always comes with resistance, but doing the work we are meant to do, and living the life we are meant to, always feels better. It’s not easy or comfortable but it’s so much better than ignoring.
What is your conscience telling you is your next area of growth? Sometimes it’s an internal change like worrying less or exploring your creative side. Sometimes it’s an external change in your career, relationships, health or wealth. If you’d like help figuring out what the voice is saying and overcoming the resistance and fear that keeps you from getting it, sign up for a free life coaching session at www.lifecoachingforparents.com/coaching