Five things to think about before you set a New Year’s Resolution

I love a fresh start. I love the potential and possibilities that January 1st brings. Before you set your new year’s resolutions for 2016, think about these five things to set yourself up for sustainable success that lasts past February.

  1. Reflect on 2015. Nobody likes doing this but it’s a valuable first step. Take a look back at and ask yourself what worked. Before you think about what you want to change and improve on, you’ll want to get yourself in the mindset of success. Take stock of your victories, your successes, the areas of your life where you feel confident and satisfied. Appreciate what you have created. These are going to take a back seat while you focus your energy on your new resolution.
  2. Despite what corporate america will tell you, you can only have one priority at a time. It’s the definition of priority. If you want to make your resolution successful, this will require focus, energy, and determination. If you have a competing priority like “making children happy” and they cry and cling when it’s time to go to the gym, you won’t go. Check for competing priorities and make sure you are willing to prioritize the new one.
  3. Your success is determined on your willingness to be uncomfortable. Change will create discomfort. Expect and plan for it, but remember you are choosing JOY over pleasure. Pleasure is immediate gratification, comfort, sameness.  Joy is growth, challenge, play, novelty. Joy is a proud and satisfied feeling that comes from purposefully living the life we are meant to live. Are you prepared joy over pleasure?
  4. Check your motivation. The only reason anyone does anything is because they want to feel a certain way, or they are trying to avoid a certain feeling. When you imagine accomplishing your new resolution, what is the feeling you imagine you would feel? What thoughts can you think NOW that will create that feeling for you?  When you motivate yourself with negative thoughts and emotions, “I’m so fat and ugly I need to diet so I’ll be thinner and then I’ll be happier” It is never sustainable. You can do it for a little while, but eventually you will rebel against your inner mean girl. Or you will lose the weight and realize you still aren’t happy because you’ve beat yourself into submission. Focus on the feeling you want to feel and start finding ways to feel it now, today, separate from your goal.
  5. Creating change involves growing a different side of yourself. When growth is your goal, you cannot fail. Prepare for obstacles and plan how you will overcome them. Remember to praise yourself for your learning and victories. We aren’t meant to stay the same. We are meant to learn and challenge ourselves to grow, all throughout our lives. When you can focus your attention, prioritize growth, feel positive emotions, then the action is it’s own reward.

Seven Steps to Making New Years Resolutions that Stick

I love the fresh start of the new year.  My kids and I are pulling out our vision boards and magazines and dreaming and about an even more ideal life.  Right now, my list of resolutions is so long it’s likely none of them will come true.  So while I choose which ones to focus on, I thought I’d share with you my 7 steps to creating successful change.  Teaching kids how to make dreams come true and accomplish goals is one of the greatest things we can teach.  And since the #1 way kids learn is by imitation, why not show them by creating your own, most fabulous and ideal life.

1.  Pick something you really, really, really, really want.  Make a long list of all the things you’d like to change, then ask yourself, what is it I REALLY YEARN for?  (Hint – it’s going to be a feeling.)

2. Imagine what it will feel like to have accomplished your goal.  Bathe in the emotions of it:  self-pride, accomplishment, freedom, joy.   Notice what it feels like in your body and breathe it in.  (BTW – This is how we are meant to feel all the time)

3. What in your life are you willing to give up in order to make room for your new dream to come true?  (Moms, especially, have a tendency to pile more stuff on to their plate without realizing there is a limit to how much time and energy they have.)  Mentally scan your weekly routine and choose the areas you’d like to replace with something new.

4. Imagine it happening perfectly.  Go walk the dog or take a bath and spend time imagining your new routine.  Create a scene in your mind like a movie with you as the star.  Imagine what sights you see, sounds you hear, smells, tastes, textures, and most importantly, what it feels like to be living in your ideal future.  Breathe into the difference of where you are today, and where you’d like to be.

5. Anticipate obstacles.  In this mental movie, imagine what obstacles arise (distractions, you get sick, people need you, etc.).  Imagine that you overcome these obstacles with grace and ease, without abandoning your goal or positive emotions associated with it.

6. Write it down.  Studies show that your chances of accomplishing a goal improve 33% if you write down what it is you want, create action steps and check in with a friend or coach to whom you feel accountable.

7. Celebrate your victories.  If you are like me, this is the hardest of all steps.  Brag to your spouse, your friends, your dog, and most importantly, your mirror.  Say out loud, “I did it!  I worked out today, yeah, ME!”  Look at your reflection and tell it how proud you are that you overcame resistance.   Tell your kids how amazing their Mom or Dad is and what a super star you are.  Model for them what it’s like to work hard to create positive change.  Model for them what it’s like to honor yourself.

2012 is gonna be easy!

I love a New Year.  A fresh start.  A clean slate.  Everyone working to improve their bodies, their finances, their relationships, their careers.  Hope, optimism, belief, determination- a life coach’s dream time.

But where does it go come February?

Here’s my list of the biggest killers of New Years Resolutions.

1-    Perfectionism:  I don’t mean my house is immaculate kind of perfectionism.  I mean the black & white thinking.  “I’m either on my diet or off”  “I’m either saving money or spending it”  “I’m either a good parent or a bad one”.  If you give yourself a label “I’m lazy”, “I’m an idiot”, “I’m impatient”, “I’m a loser”, “I’m fat” then you are playing a game of perfectionism you will not win. A better way to stick to your resolutions is to see yourself in a constant state of flux.  “I am moving closer to my goal right now or away from it.”  “I am becoming more fit or less”  “I am learning to be kinder to myself or I am forgetting to be kinder to myself.”  The truth is, life is not static, and pretending things are set in stone, will suck the motivation right out of you.

2-    “It’s too hard”:  I catch myself saying this all the time.  “Keeping the house clean is hard”,  “Being a solo-prenuer is hard”, “Dealing with health problems is hard”. Hello, pity party!  Do you want some whine with that?  If I look back in human history, or right now in cultures all over the globe, my life is pretty damn easy!  It is a ridiculously untrue thought that my life is hard and when I believe it, it doesn’t serve me.  If you are like me and you hear yourself complaining about things being hard, try changing it to, “this is easy!”  Eating healthy is easy.  Exercising is easy.  Making money is easy.  Raising twins is easy.  Balancing work/family life…easy!  The more you think it & say it, the more you will find evidence to prove it’s true.  Isn’t it just as true that change is easy?

3-    “I deserve a reward”:  Most people use this as a way to cheat on their resolution.  (Often in combination with ‘I worked hard, therefore, I deserve it’).  We think this is self care, but really it isn’t.  It’s usually said defiantly, as though we are rebelling against our own desires to feel better.  What we are really saying is “I deserve to be overweight & unhealthy”,  “I deserve to be broke” or “I deserve to be unhappy”.  Try using the same sentence in support of your resolution “I deserve to work out & feel healthy”, “I deserve to have a tidy home”, or “I deserve to spend less & have more money in the bank”.  I believe you ARE deserving, and that you deserve to be proud of yourself and your accomplishments.

4-    Be open to more & better:  Take a look back at 2011 and write down what worked for you and what didn’t.  Even if you didn’t complete your resolutions, spend time thinking about how your life has changed for the better.  What improvements were planned and which weren’t?  Even if you had some real difficulties, think about positive things that came from it.  Now imagine yourself one year from now.  Even if you don’t accomplish your resolutions, what by-products might you enjoy as a result of the attempt?  Might I make a new friend, even if I quit the gym?  Might I make some new connections, even if I didn’t get that job?  Might I learn something about myself that I couldn’t have learned any other way?  There is always opportunity for growth and increased joy in our lives, and we don’t always know where it will come from.

So take some good guesses, make those resolutions, be kind to yourself whether you stick with them or not.  2012 might just have some wonderful plans in store for you.  If working with a life coach is on your list of ways to improve your life, email me today to take advantage of my special New Years offer of 5 sessions for the cost of 4.