You work hard, taking care of everyone and everything. You are responsible and you get things done. You’ve been invited to a super fun event with super fun people. It’s right up your alley: relaxing, interesting, inspiring, and will leave you feeling more like yourself when it’s done. Sounds good, right?
But here’s the thing…..it costs money AND it requires you to be away from your children and regular duties for a day or two.
If you are like many Moms, you’ll hear yourself saying things like “We don’t have the money”, “I can’t afford the time away” “I can’t leave my children” “Who would take them to school?” or “I’m fine, I’ll just stay home, I don’t NEED to go.”
Now picture this…..Your child has been invited to a super fun event with super fun people. It’s right up her alley: relaxing, interesting, inspiring and will leave her feeling more like herself when it’s done. It costs money and requires her to be away from her regular duties for a day or two.
If you are like many Moms, this is an easier thing to say yes to. We like spending money on our children. Their happiness is our happiness. It’s no big deal if they miss their night to do dishes or have to reschedule their dentist appt. We are happy to facilitate their fun, but struggle to allow ourselves the same.
The problem is, MOMS are the most powerful influence on daughter’s lives. Not friends, not TV, US. She is watching US to learn what it means to be a woman and a Mom.
What is the message our self-sacrificing sends to our daughters?
That other people are more important than you are? That it’s ok to sacrifice your wants and needs for the sake of others? That it’s okay for us to earn money and work hard, but when it comes to spending it we aren’t worthwhile? That life is about hard work, doing for others, and not about having fun, exploring new ideas or new experiences? That the older you get, the more boring and serious your life becomes?
I used to have a hard time leaving my kids, spending money on myself, or even recognizing how it would benefit me. It was like the anxiety and stress of taking the time away, wasn’t worth the imagined reward. My husband had to make me go. My parents had to give me money. It wasn’t until I started taking time away that I realized how valuable it was and what it felt like to be ME again. Sure I could indulge in a pedicure or Moms night out, but when it came to something personal and expensive, that was only important to me, it was hard. Now, I love going to life coaching events, yoga retreats, mastermind weekends, even traveling by myself!
I’m noticing this same difficulty come up for Moms who would love to join me at my Mastermind Event in Austin, TX but haven’t had the experience of taking time away and spending money on things that feel like fun.
Here’s what it boils down to…Would you want your daughter to live the life you are living?
Of course we want our daughters to be hard working, self-sufficient, and giving, but we also want them to believe they have the right to relax, play and have fun. Imagine what it would feel like to spend three days, just focused on you and your future. Eating what you want, being inside your own head, thinking your own thoughts, using your creativity, learning new life skills, connecting with other amazing women who share your passions, feeling more energized and excited to come home to your family. If my Mastermind Event in Austin doesn’t sound right for you, use your imagination to create a fun, inspiring, re-connecting event for yourself. Your daughter is watching to see what is expected of her as a women, why not make it fun.
If you are stuck in the SuperMom trap like I was, here are three steps designed to help you remember what it feels like to be responsible AND have fun. To be YOU and MOM.
- Do Nothing. Designate a day, an afternoon, or if this stresses you out, a half hour. Start with whatever feels comfortable and set the intention to do nothing. You can be outside, inside, in the bath or in your car, the important thing is to be alone and DO absolutely nothing. When so much focus is spent giving to others, it’s hard to even know what you need. Doing nothing will help your focus turn inward so you can just check in with your children’s mom and ask “How are you doing? Are you getting everything you need? What do you want? What’s missing?” Stare into space, be with yourself, stop trying, stop doing, just be.
- Spend imaginary money. If you HAD to spend $50. on YOURSELF today on something only you would benefit from, what would you spend it on? How about $500.? $5,000? $50,000.? You are not aloud to save it, it must be gone by midnight. Find an amount that is slightly uncomfortable for you, and mentally spend it every day. This helps you loosen up and re-connect to the fun and frivolous side of you. When we focus attention on what we want (with fun energy), we feel heard and validated. Plus, we are more likely to actually get it.
- Create imaginary free time. Imagine you when you go to bed tonight, instead of sleeping, you get to have an adventure. You will wake up in your bed, fully rested and your family will have no idea, but you get to have a secret adventure every night. What would it entail? Where would you go? What would it feel like? What sights would you see? Let your imagination run wild, even if it’s hard at first, keep at it oh responsible one. If you took my SuperMom Quiz and your result was Octopus, it’s time to work out your “ME” muscles and have more frivolous fun.
If you want a big leap instead of simple steps, I’d love to have you join me for my Launching Girl Leaders Mastermind Event in Austin. You can stay for Martha Beck’s Gathering on the weekend as well.
Let’s have fun, the children are watching!