How do you take your compliments?

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I was at a networking event with some fabulous small business owners and one of them, an esthetician, said something that blew me away.  She said, “When people are quiet in my chair (during a facial), I take that as a compliment.”

Really?  Silence is a compliment?

It made me realize, how totally arbitrary compliments can be!

When my kids bicker, I can take that as a compliment that I was a wise enough to give them a sibling in which to learn conflict resolutions skills.

When my house is a mess, I can take it as a compliment that I prioritize people over property.

When I overdraw my bank account, I can take it as a compliment that it is a rare enough occasion to bug me.

How do I take my compliments?  Usually with a scoop embarrassment and a dash of denial.

Friend:  “You look cute today”

Me:  “Oh, gosh, I don’t even have makeup on”

Friend:  “You are such a good Mom”

Me:  “If you saw me yesterday you wouldn’t think that.”

How about you?  When your boss tells you, you are an asset to the team, do you believe him?  When your spouse tells you they are grateful for your hard work, do you take the compliment in or push it away?

My son thinks he is an amazing soccer player, the best on his team.  His Dad and I could debate with him on this.  Some honest self-reflection and a little modesty seem appropriate, but we decided to leave it alone.  Think about it……If you believe you are awesome, amazing, the best…..do you think you will play better or worse?  If you think you are average, aren’t your abilities going to match your beliefs?

If you believe you are an amazing parent, and your kid throws a fit, chances are you will handle it in a way you are proud of.

If you believe you are a good provider, and you lose your job, chances are you will quickly find ways to support your family.  Those who switch their thinking to “I’m a loser who can’t support his/her family” will have a harder time.

So go ahead and take your compliments.  Believe you are amazing, valuable, beautiful, talented, hard-working.  We can’t wait for you to see what the rest of us have been seeing all along.

Here’s a little exercise:

What would you most like to be complimented for?  Your intelligence?  Your looks?  Your creativity?  Try this:

It would make my day if my Mom told me this ……………………….……………..

It would make my day if my Dad told me this …………………………..…………..

It would make my day if my partner told me this ……………………………………

It would make my day if my kids told me this …………………………………………

It would make my day if my boss told me this …………………………………………

There is no point in sitting around waiting for someone else to compliment you if you aren’t going to take it in and believe it.  You have to believe it first.

So tell me, how do you take your compliments?  When people post on my blog, I take it as a compliment that they got something out of it. But perhaps, this time, I’ll take silence as a compliment as well.  🙂

 

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5 thoughts on “How do you take your compliments?”

  1. Your last line made me laugh out loud! Breaking the silence to tell you that I loved reading your post! You have to believe it first – so true!
    xo
    An

  2. Torie, great post – so relevant – it always makes me so sad when people respond to my compliments by criticizing themselves – what a wasted energy for swapping some feel-good!

  3. Torie, it felt like you wrote this specifically for me. Boy did I need to read this today! I agree with Jenny, thank you for the new perspective. Wanna know what part that really got me? “We can’t wait for you to see what the rest of us have been seeing all along.” What a concept!

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