Like many Moms, I have a hard time prioritizing my needs, over my kid’s needs. It’s just too easy to think, “I’m fine” “I don’t mind missing yoga again” or “I don’t really need to take time for myself.” I used to have a hard time spending money on myself. The hardest thing was to PAY a babysitter to then spend TIME and MONEY on my own frivolous fun. Before I became a Mom I used to judge those mothers who spent lots of time away from their kids and couldn’t wait for them to go back to school. Now my back to school happy dance is an annual event and right now, I am sitting in a hotel room, spending money and time by myself.
Having mental rest is my #1 trick to a happy, purposeful life. After having so much kid time this summer, my brain gets full of their thoughts and ideas, making me feel tired and overwhelmed. Some people can ignore everyone around them and just tune into themselves. I envy them, but I act more like a sponge, soaking up other people’s emotions, energies and thoughts. For me to wring myself out and have access to me, I need to escape.
The first time I escaped, by myself, I spent the day at beautiful Sonoma Mission Inn & Spa. I was hanging on to sanity by a thread. I felt so guilty over needing the break and then so selfish over taking the break, that I could barely relax after an 8 hour spa day. What turned the corner for me was this: “Would I ever hire someone to look after my kids, who never took time to herself?” “Would I trust a nanny to watch my kids 40 hours a week if I knew she ONLY worked and never rested or played?” NO! That sounds unhealthy and unbalanced. Yet here I am, trusting myself to “be a good Mom” on very little personal time!
For the last five years, I’ve been taking a getaway weekend by myself about once a year. At first I brought my sister along, or used points to pay for the room, to make me feel less selfish and guilty. Now that I see how beneficial it is for me to be alone, I indulge it. To eat what I want, when I want, without cooking, cleaning or hearing complaints is HEAVEN. To go to bed when I want and sleep as late as I want feels fabulous. The best part of these weekend escapes is I get access to ME: To think my own thoughts, be inside my own head, plan out my year, dream about the future, spend time in nature, HEAVEN! I still hear myself say to my family, “Why don’t you come with me?” or “I don’t have to go, I can just stay home.” It’s like I forget how much I need it until I get it. If you are spongy like me, and need solitude to wring out and feel whole again, take these four steps and give your kids the whole and healthy Mama they deserve.
The Art of Escaping involves 4 steps.
- Setting Boundaries. It doesn’t matter how small you start but you MUST be the one to carve out time for you. It could be you are unavailable after 11pm. It could be Sunday mornings between 8-10am. The first Wednesday night of every month is yours to do what you want. Stick to this boundary like you are stopping your child from running into the street. It is not negotiable. They will pick up on your level of conviction and respect your decision (once they’ve tested you a few times).
- Doing nothing. In our hyperproductive world it’s popular to worship BUSY. But constant busy-ness distracts us from our inner world and inner guidance system. To feel whole and mentally calm, try giving yourself permission to do nothing. Accomplish nothing. Wander. Be. Go where the wind takes you. Start with ten minutes and work your way up to a whole day. It feels like being a kid again .
- Give generously – Money has an energy to it and isn’t meant to sit and stagnate. If you have trouble spending money on yourself, think about giving it to other people. Help people be who they are meant to be by paying them to massage you, cook for you, teach you about wine, make you pretty, play with your kids. You make their day by letting them fulfill their purpose here on Earth.
- It’s not about you. You are here, doing some important work raising kids, spreading love and uplifting your corner of the world. You escaping to get quiet time, isn’t really about you. It’s about pushing the refresh button on you, so that you can be whole and healthy and show your kids what it looks like to be their best and enjoy their lives. Taking time to care for yourself is a gift you give your family. Do you know anyone who had a mother who didn’t take great care of herself? Ask them what it would have felt like to have a Mom who supported her own physical, mental and financial well-being.