I know what I want but I can’t afford it

Episode for the Week: Money Worries

Today’s question comes up a lot.. See if this has ever happened to you

You get some time away, to take a break and feel like yourself again.

OR

You have a free discovery coaching call with me and get excited about your potential and possibilities for your future. 

You get a glimpse of what life could be like with a little more balance or a little more fun and an idea of how great life could be if you felt more like you. 

Has this ever happened to you? I hope you aren’t so entrenched that you haven’t experienced this.

It feels so exciting; so freeing, that it scares us. 

The thought of so much positive change happening in such a short period of time is overwhelming. Every time we leave our comfort zone, even for something we want, fear comes along for the ride. 

But fear is sneaky, it sounds like this:

“The kids need me. I don’t have time. I could never do that. My husband wouldn’t like it. What would people think? There’s too much to do.”

And the most common of all the excuses is today’s question: 

Question of the Day: “What if you figure out what you want but you can’t afford it?”

The belief “I can’t afford it” is so prolific that it seems silly to question it. It feels true for many Americans, regardless of how much money is in their bank accounts. Just living in America puts us in the top 5% of wealth, not to mention the many potential opportunities to increase our wealth, that it seems crazy so many of us share money worries.

Parent Education Answer: 

There is a parent education answer to the question, “What if you figure out what you want but you can’t afford it?” 

You never want to send the “I can’t afford it message” to your kids. It’s a thought that makes us feel like a helpless victim. Take a look at what the thought “I can’t afford it” creates. When you think this thought, notice how you feel.

Thinking of money worries and believing the thought “I can’t afford what I want” creates a heavy, weighed down feeling in your body. It’s like putting shackles around your ankles.

It keeps you stuck in one place. When you think this thought, there’s no imagination, no exploring alternate possibilities, no believing in your ability to create more money.  It just keeps you where you have been. 

 

money worries

 

Instead, teach your kids that everything is a trade-off. “We can afford anything we want, it’s just a matter of priorities.” Talk to your kids about the value of things. 

We decided to put our kids in private school, so we moved into a smaller home in a less desirable neighborhood. Our family values experiences more than things, and our gift giving reflects that.

Instead of party favors at birthday parties, I sent the kids home with memories of fun games and activities. I skip name brand clothes unless I find them at Ross for half price, but we pay extra for super high speed internet. 

The message to send kids about money is that everything is a trade off and to align your spending with the things you value the most. 

 

Life Coaching Answer:

The thought, “I can’t afford it” is really about fear. When we think about doing something good for ourselves, something that could create positive change in our life, we get scared. It’s a natural reaction. Our minds perceive change as scary, even if it’s a good change. “I can’t afford it” is a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m nervous”.

Let’s say you take your child to the hospital for an asthma attack. They say the treatment costs $1800. Would you need to think about it? Would you say “I want to pay but I can’t afford that” or “let me talk it over with my husband?”

No, the asthma treatment is of such a high value that you would spend the money, then later figure out how to pay for it. If I said you had to come up with an extra $10,000 in 2020 or your children would perish, you would figure it out! You would get creative, you might throw morals out the window, but you would get it done. 

Spending is always about values and priorities.

Can you see any benefit on holding on to a belief that makes you feel trapped and keeps you from noticing possibilities? 

The truth shall set you free so any thought that makes you feel weighed down and trapped is not a true one. 

Handling Money Worries

We spend money on gym memberships, mani/pedis, hair, and clothes. We’ll spend money on private schools or tutors, club sports, extra curricular activities and SAT prep classes.

We always have a choice on where we spend money and what we think is worth going into debt for. We justify our spending based on what we SEE other people spending money on, but the most valuable things to spend money on are things you can’t see. 

Many families take kids to Disneyland because they want to make them happy. They think seeing happy kids will make them feel like they are doing a good job.

The truth is, our ability to feel happy and satisfied in our job as mom does not come from our kids. It comes from the thoughts inside our own heads.

If you put your ability to feel happy into the hands of your kids’ trip to Disneyland, as soon as they melt down, cry, and fight with their siblings, you are going to get super annoyed. You spent so much money trying to feel happy, just to have ripped away at the first temper tantrum.

When you take responsibility for your own happiness and satisfaction, then it doesn’t matter how your kids behave. You get to feel the way you want to feel whether you are at Disneyland, at home, or dragging your kids through Target.

Life coaching is the best place to spend money because you learn the meta-skill of how to be happy any time you want. You can save so much money buying things that only bring you temporary pleasure. 

You can spend $20,000 remodeling your kitchen, then, 6 months later, start complaining about the bathroom needing to be redone. The new kitchen doesn’t bring you long lasting happiness because that comes from your thoughts.

If your brain is trained to look for problems to solve, you will just find more problems. It’s the state of mind we get stuck in that keeps us from getting the feeling of satisfaction and joy we crave.

That new toy you bought your kid only provided a week’s worth of peace for you. Wouldn’t you like to learn how to feel peaceful anytime you want? 

You loved your new car when you first got it, but one year later all you can think about is how messy it is and how much driving around you have to do.

Spending money on your mental and emotional well being is one of the BEST things to spend money on if you want long-lasting happiness and peace. 

Most of us agree that taking care of our bodies is a good idea. We can see the value of joining a gym, eating healthy foods, moisturizing, taking vitamins, and getting massages or facials, but what’s the point of having your body in top shape if your mind and emotions can’t appreciate it? 

Can you imagine who you would be without the thought “I can’t afford it?” If this thought was completely unavailable to you, how different would you feel? 

You still have the same amount of income and outflow, but your thought is “I can spend money on the things I value most” or “I always have enough for the things that are important to me.” or “There are many ways to make more money.” These are the beliefs we want to pass to our kids and it starts with believing them yourself.

If you could think these thoughts, how do you imagine you might feel? 

Open? Hopeful? Creative? 

What actions steps might you take if you are feeling hopeful and creative?  You might cancel memberships to things you aren’t using. You may say no more easily when your son asks for something, but say yes to something special for YOU. You’ll start scanning your budget to see how aligned your spending is with the things you value most. You might ask for a raise or start a side hustle, just because you want your money to be aligned with your values. 

 

Today’s Supermom Kryptonite: Thinking that the way things have been is the way they will be in the future.

Look around you right now. What do you see? I see a laptop, a sofa, a coffee mug, a box of tissues. Everything you see began in someone’s imagination. If we want to create something new, we first need to see it in our imagination. The thought “I can’t afford it” blocks our ability to use our imaginations to create what we want. 

If you grew up hearing “We can’t afford it” then it’s an easy thing to repeat, but it costs you the ability to step out of that way of thinking and create a new reality. Just because things have always been a certain way, does not mean they will always be. Change can happen on a dime, at any time. You just have to want it. 

 

Supermom Power Boost: Get Creative! 

There are 100 ways to get what you want. I have a friend who said, “If I ever came into extra cash, I would sign up for this writer’s retreat and workshop.” Two months later, her old company liquidated stock options and (surprise!) extra cash came in the mail and her writing career began. If she hadn’t used her imagination FIRST to think about what she wanted, she very easily could have gotten that check, used it to pay bills, and not used it to create an exciting future aligned with her values.

 

To set loose your creativity and use your imagination to create what you want, try this exercise: Pick one thing that you would LOVE to spend money on. Something that feels very aligned with your values and your heart’s desire. Make sure it feels fun and slightly indulgent. Got it? 

 

Estimate how much you think it will cost. Now list 20 different ways you can make that much extra money. 

Let’s say you want to sign up for my 12 week Supermom is Getting Tired Coaching Program because you want to feel better. You are tired of being cranky all the time and you want to show your kids how to take responsibility for your own happiness and create a life you love. The cost of the program is $1668. 

Let’s say you promised your husband you would make up that much more money in 2020 to pay for it. You could…

  1. Become a door dash driver
  2. Ask for a raise or promotion
  3. Offer to drive other kids around for a fee.
  4. Sell stuff on ebay or letgo
  5. Sell jewelry on etsy 
  6. Bake cakes for birthdays.
  7. Advertise on social media for your favorite businesses.
  8. Rent a room in your house on Airbnb
  9. Take in an exchange student
  10. Turn off your electricity and live by candlelight
  11. Trade your car in for a cheaper hybrid.
  12. Barter services with hairdressers, handymen, friends. 
  13. Become a dog walker or dog sitter

 

Quote of the Day: “An investment in knowledge pays the best interest” Benjamin Franklin

Do you want your life to be even better? Study Success

Life is pretty good, right?

You’ve got a lovely family, meaningful work, but you’d like to turn the volume up on your life. One way to improve your life is to study successful people. Find someone you admire and pay close attention to WHY you like them so much. I recently attended a memorial service for an AMAZING women. 

Katie was one of those people you just feel privileged to know. While her death was a tremendous loss, her life was a HUGE inspiration.She had a way of giving her full attention to you, making you feel listened to, cared about and important, while also raising the bar and encouraging you to be even better. She prioritized her female friendships, always making time for parties, gatherings and social connections of any kind. She was full of vibrancy and joy and I’ve assigned her a permanent place on my committee of spirit guides. 

You can draw inspiration from others or your own past successes. Do you remember the feeling of falling in love? Amazing feeling. If you miss feeling that much excitement, exuberance and joy, study it, and see how you can bring that feeling back into your life today. When we’re falling in love, we obsess. We are “blinded” by love so we only notice the good stuff. We look over the rude comment he makes to the waiter, we don’t even notice the stinky socks on the floor. Our thoughts are all positive, all the time. We’ve told our brains where to look, so that’s what we focus on and it feels amazing. Love isn’t something that happens to us, it’s a state we create by focusing our minds in one, very positive direction.

Want to feel more loving? Notice the love that surrounds you every day. Obsess about it. Watch movies about it. Read romance novels. Watch people reunite with loved ones at the airport. Share your love with strangers and family members alike. Watch how it grows and expands.

Want more beauty in your life?  Pay attention to it. Take pictures of that flower growing through the crack in the sidewalk. Look into the mirror and appreciate something about your physical body. Go to a botanical garden, a museum or a beautifully designed building. Bring something of beauty into a corner of your home.

Get the picture? In what area of your life would you like to “turn up the volume”? More abundance is available to you any time just by looking around at the abundance of cars, people, clothing. You just need to decide what you want, then study success in your own life and in others.

Sometimes parenting is so overwhelming, it’s hard to KNOW what we want, because our families wants scream so loudly in our ear. If you struggle with this, sign up for the 14-day Supermom Challenge, and learn how to listen to YOU again.

Should you give your child everything on their wish list?

Making our kids happy without making them feel entitled

Don’t you loving reading kid’s wish lists or letters to Santa? It’s so easy get a picture of what the child is like and what his interests and priorities are. If a kid can’t create a wish list, it’s a warning sign of low self worth and depression. It is SO important for kids to be able to ask for what they want, and believe they are worthy of receiving it. img_2686

As parents, our desires often get buried under the daily to-do list and we lose touch with what we really want. The feeling of yearning, of wanting, is very valuable and I’m often coaching my clients into reconnecting with this feeling. We need it to know who we really are and what’s next for us. It provides us a road map for our life. WANTING is wonderful, but you might want to read this before indulging your child in all of their desires.

None of us wants to create entitled kids but we all want to see our children happy. Watching their face light up when they open that gift they were so hoping to receive is OUR reward for all the hard frickin’ work! Let’s start by admitting that giving kids what they want is about US, wanting to make our kids happy so we can be happy.

What creates the “omg this is the best present ever” moment we all crave, is when the child is hopeful, but doubtful. It’s the surprise element that helps the child feel loved, seen and heard. If you always buy your child everything on their list, they lose the surprise and appreciation. Then, opening the gift just turns it into a checklist. When children expect to receive everything on their wish list, it changes from a “this is my heart’s desire and yearning” to an “here’s an errand I expect you to run for me”. Yuck.

Sometimes kids want gifts just because “everyone else wants them or has them”. Games, clothes, electronics, etc. can act a social marker between kids. If the kids your child likes and wants to be friends with, all talk about xbox, your child will want to be able to speak that language, talk about the latest games or levels, and feel accepted by his peers. This is a valid reason to want something, especially during the pre-adolescent years when they are trying to establish their identity.

My daughter has wanted UGG boots for years. Spending that much money on something that will make her (naturally hot) feet sweat and that she will grow out of quickly, is really hard for me. With so many better alternatives, the cost goes against my values. Helping my daughter have a sense of belonging and connection with her social group is aligned with my values, so I’m delegating to Grandmas and hope they can resolve the issue for me. 

“Something you want, Something you need, Something to wear, Something to read”

Remember, Christmas is for US. We do most of the work which means we can make it whatever we want it to be. By filling their stockings with deodorant, nail clippers and socks, you can make their “wants” that much more exciting. Giving practical gifts remind them that the “magic of Christmas” isn’t about the gifts themselves but the surprise, the traditions, the togetherness and the energy of giving.

So just be sure, if you are indulging your child in their desires, that you don’t do all items every year and you give them plenty of opportunity to experience yearning. There are many things that make the holidays special, make sure you aren’t sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of your children’s wish list. 

So what’s on your wish list Mama?

The only advice you’ll ever need

Lin* was a stay-home Mom of three school aged kids. She worked from sun up to sun down, striving to do her best. Even in the summer, she made sure her kids ate healthy, organic foods, practiced piano, played outside, spoke kindly and read books. Her life was dedicated to being the best Mom she could be. She read parenting books, took parenting classes, and treated motherhood like her career. When one of her kids got a bad grade, she felt like a failure. She thought she would be rewarded for her hard work, but she’s still waiting for the praise and accolades. With no report card or performance review, Lin struggles to know if her hard work is worth the investment.

Schools teach us to look to the outside for information, answers and feedback. We listen to lectures, read books, and internalize information that comes from outside sources. Then, we apply our knowledge on a test or presentation and await feedback to find out whether it was considered valuable. This system is subconsciously training us to rely on external sources for information, answers, wisdom and positive reinforcement.

Danielle* was a hard worker. She put in extra hours at work, was always more than prepared for presentations and was great at follow through. She believed that if she worked hard and did a good job, she would be recognized by her superiors and rewarded. Instead she gets overlooked for promotions and while she is well-liked by her team, she believes her financial compensation is not where it should be.

This week at my Girls Leadership Camp, I’m teaching the value of turning inward for information, accolades, and motivation. Big light bulbs go on when the girls get permission to listen to the answers they’ve had inside all along. Whether we call it gut instincts, inner wisdom, wise guide, or higher self, it is constantly giving us valuable information. When we turn inward for answers, we can tell if we are believing a lie, going outside our comfort zone, operating from our highest self, playing small, hiding, or avoiding. We don’t need praise or rewards, we just need to show up in our lives, and be the person we are meant to be.Dear Future, I'm ready

The only person you need to take advice from, is your future self. Imagine yourself twenty years into the future: What do you look like? Where do you live?  What accomplishments are you proud of?  Ask your future self any question you have, like: Should I ask for a raise?  Quit my job? Put my kids in private school?  What should I eat? What kind of exercise should I do? Should we move?  You won’t believe the wisdom your future self can offer you, once you build a relationship with her.

Danielle’s future self told her it was time to stop trying to downplay and minimize her efforts, and start believing in her value to the company. She got better at owning her accomplishments in front of her superiors, practiced self-confidence, and got the promotion and praise she deserved.

Lin’s future self reminded her that she loved being a stay-home Mom. That she wasn’t choosing this life to create perfect kids, but because she enjoyed it. When Lin switched her focus to having the most fun possible, her kids relaxed, the stress level went down and everyone felt permission to pursue the interests they loved the most.

What advice would your future self give you today?

The most powerful influence on your daughter’s life.

You work hard, taking care of everyone and everything. You are responsible and you get things done. You’ve been invited to a super fun event with super fun people. It’s right up your alley: relaxing, interesting, inspiring, and will leave you feeling more like yourself when it’s done. Sounds good, right?

But here’s the thing…..it costs money AND it requires you to be away from your children and regular duties for a day or two.

If you are like many Moms, you’ll hear yourself saying things like “We don’t have the money”, “I can’t afford the time away” “I can’t leave my children” “Who would take them to school?” or “I’m fine, I’ll just stay home, I don’t NEED to go.”

Now picture this…..Your child has been invited to a super fun event with super fun people. It’s right up her alley: relaxing, interesting, inspiring and will leave her feeling more like herself when it’s done. It costs money and requires her to be away from her regular duties for a day or two.

If you are like many Moms, this is an easier thing to say yes to. We like spending money on our children. Their happiness is our happiness. It’s no big deal if they miss their night to do dishes or have to reschedule their dentist appt. We are happy to facilitate their fun, but struggle to allow ourselves the same.

The problem is, MOMS are the most powerful influence on daughter’s lives. Not friends, not TV, US. She is watching US to learn what it means to be a woman and a Mom.

What is the message our self-sacrificing sends to our daughters? 

That other people are more important than you are? That it’s ok to sacrifice your wants and needs for the sake of others?  That it’s okay for us to earn money and work hard, but when it comes to spending it we aren’t worthwhile? That life is about hard work, doing for others, and not about having fun, exploring new ideas or new experiences? That the older you get, the more boring and serious your life becomes?

I used to have a hard time leaving my kids, spending money on myself, or even recognizing how it would benefit me. It was like the anxiety and stress of taking the time away, wasn’t worth the imagined reward. My husband had to make me go. My parents had to give me money. It wasn’t until I started taking time away that I realized how valuable it was and what it felt like to be ME again. Sure I could indulge in a pedicure or Moms night out, but when it came to something personal and expensive, that was only important to me, it was hard. Now, I love going to life coaching events, yoga retreats, mastermind weekends, even traveling by myself!

I’m noticing this same difficulty come up for Moms who would love to join me at my Mastermind Event in Austin, TX but haven’t had the experience of taking time away and spending money on things that feel like fun.

Here’s what it boils down to…Would you want your daughter to live the life you are living? 

Of course we want our daughters to be hard working, self-sufficient, and giving, but we also want them to believe they have the right to relax, play and have fun.  Imagine what it would feel like to spend three days, just focused on you and your future. Eating what you want, being inside your own head, thinking your own thoughts, using your creativity, learning new life skills, connecting with other amazing women who share your passions, feeling more energized and excited to come home to your family. If my Mastermind Event in Austin doesn’t sound right for you, use your imagination to create a fun, inspiring, re-connecting event for yourself. Your daughter is watching to see what is expected of her as a women, why not make it fun.

If you are stuck in the SuperMom trap like I was, here are three steps designed to help you remember what it feels like to be responsible AND have fun. To be YOU and MOM.

  1. Do Nothing. Designate a day, an afternoon, or if this stresses you out, a half hour.  Start with whatever feels comfortable and set the intention to do nothing. You can be outside, inside, in the bath or in your car, the important thing is to be alone and DO absolutely nothing. When so much focus is spent giving to others, it’s hard to even know what you need. Doing nothing will help your focus turn inward so you can just check in with your children’s mom and ask “How are you doing? Are you getting everything you need? What do you want? What’s missing?” Stare into space, be with yourself, stop trying, stop doing, just be.
  2. Spend imaginary money.  If you HAD to spend $50. on YOURSELF today on something only you would benefit from, what would you spend it on?  How about $500.?  $5,000?  $50,000.? You are not aloud to save it, it must be gone by midnight. Find an amount that is slightly uncomfortable for you, and mentally spend it every day. This helps you loosen up and re-connect to the fun and frivolous side of you. When we focus attention on what we want (with fun energy), we feel heard and validated. Plus, we are more likely to actually get it.
  3. Create imaginary free time. Imagine you when you go to bed tonight, instead of sleeping, you get to have an adventure. You will wake up in your bed, fully rested and your family will have no idea, but you get to have a secret adventure every night. What would it entail?  Where would you go? What would it feel like? What sights would you see? Let your imagination run wild, even if it’s hard at first, keep at it oh responsible one. If you took my SuperMom Quiz and your result was Octopus, it’s time to work out your “ME” muscles and have more frivolous fun. 

If you want a big leap instead of simple steps, I’d love to have you join me for my Launching Girl Leaders Mastermind Event in Austin. You can stay for Martha Beck’s Gathering on the weekend as well.

Let’s have fun, the children are watching!

Teaching Kids about Money

raining moneyDid you buy a powerball ticket? I cannot wrap my brain around 929.9 million or however much money it is now. It’s such a ridiculous amount of money I can’t even conceive of what I would do with it. That feeling of confusion and overwhelm is how kids and teens feel amounts from $500. – $5,000. It’s hard for them to conceive it. They know money is important, some may want it, but they don’t really get how to deal with it or how to hold it in their brain in a way that makes sense.

Kids learn from concrete, tangible, emotional experiences. When we swipe our phone to buy a Starbucks coffee or swipe our Apple Watch to buy groceries, they have a hard time getting comfortable about this conceptual thing called money. Even writing a series of numbers on the signup form for baseball seems strange. With cash from the tooth fairy and gift cards as birthday gifts, today’s kids have more money than ever but are they learning about how to make it feel manageable? 

A secure relationship with money is balanced in ones ability to spend, earn, and manage it in healthy ways. We want our kids to have a healthy relationship with money so let’s take a look at the big picture so we’ll know where to help them (and ourselves!), improve. As you read these, see if you can place you, your kids, your parents, and partners in these categories. 

Spending – A secure, healthy spender feels good about their purchases. They know they have the money to pay for their item and they enjoy using it for this purpose.

An unhealthy spender can either dislike spending money because it brings up fears of lack or scarcity, or they spend money easily and unconsciously, not thinking about the money at all and not enjoying the purchase after the initial high.

Earning – A healthy, secure earner has confidence in their ability to make the money they need to, to be comfortable in their life.

An insecure earner does not believe they have the ability to earn the money they desire, or they have so much confidence in their earning ability that it becomes more important than everything else in their life, including their relationships with people and themselves.

Managing – A healthy money manager knows how much money is coming and going and can look at their bank accounts with ease and understanding. There is a basic comprehension of interest rates, credit ratings, and compounding interest and a resourcefulness to ask for help when needed.

An insecure money manager lives with a “head in the sand” approach, not looking or learning, or on the other extreme, may manage every penny to the micro level, missing out on the joy that spontaneity and trust can bring.

So if kids aren’t seeing us interact with money, or picking up on our insecurities, how can we help them get a clearer understanding of what money is and how it works?

1.) Talk to them about money from a positive and abundant attitude. Talk about the value of your home, how much your mortgage costs, show them the bill with the PG&E tier system, how much you spend on their sport,TV, groceries, etc. Remind them (and yourself) that we can have anything we want!  Money is about choices: we could buy new shoes or go out to dinner. Mom could work two jobs, but then we wouldn’t see her much. We could buy a new car or go to private school. We always have choices.

2.) Play games that teach about money. Whether it’s Lakeshore’s The Allowance Game or Cash Flow by Robert Kiyosaki of Rich Dad, Poor Dad fame. There are lots of board games and online games that help kids understand money.

3.  When we don’t have our hands on real money, symbols of it are the next best thing. Giant thermometers on the wall of the school show how much money has been donated and how much we still have to go to reach our goal. These help us make the invisible seem real. Create a paper thermometer on your wall to show how close you are to reaching your money goals or use one of the MANY apps out there for a friendly way to track how your money comes and goes. I like “Mint” for setting financial goals and “Spending Tracker” to manage expenses but there are many good ones out there. 

4. Stay old school. Use cash when shopping, play store with real money in the kitchen, exchange their gift cards for cash then take them to the store to spend. Use the envelope system to budget your discretionary spending Cash clipped to a chore chart gives a concrete symbol of what kids are working towards. Kids learn about money by seeing it, touching it, talking about it, and playing with it.

5. Allow kids to have negative and positive experiences with money. Emotions are a great teacher and it’s important to let kids make their own mistakes. If they loan money and don’t get it back, they’ll never do that again. If they leave money laying around their house or hanging out of their pockets, and it disappears, oh well. Losing money is what teaches kids to value it. Have them create a list of things they want to buy or do. Wanting things that require money, teaches them to value it.

Do you suffer from decision fatigue?

My friend was moving back to Costa Rica to enjoy raising her kids with less stress. I asked her, “Why is it so much more relaxing to live there, than here?” We’ve got nature. We’ve got time to play and relax. What is it about living in Costa Rica that makes such a difference?

Her answer surprised me. She said “There is less to choose from. Having fewer decisions to make, makes life simpler.” In her small town in Costa Rica, she knows she will be eating rice, beans and fruit, every day.

On the weekends, your kids will be surfing or playing with the neighbors. There’s no “keeping up with the Jones’s” because there is only one store in town and Amazon does not deliver there.

My ears perked up when I heard a story about Barack Obama was moving into The White House, he told his kitchen staff, “Don’t ever ask me what I want to eat. I want to save my decision making energy for more important matters.”

Have you ever taken your kid to a toy store and said, “You can have anything you want in the whole store!” Only to watch them melt down 5 minutes later?

Teens have a lot of decisions to make with long-term consequences. Should I smoke pot? How hard should I study? Should I hang out with different friends? Should I post that picture? Where should I go to school? Who should I live with? Should I use a condom?

There is a way to cut through the chaos and help you and your kids, make decisions that are right for you. With this one question, you can get perspective and tune in to your higher self.

“Would my future-self be proud of this decision?”

It was interesting at my Getting What You Want summer camp how easily the teens could answer this question. We used the example of quitting something. “Would my future self be proud that I quit soccer/girl scouts/changed schools?” These girls KNEW if they were quitting for the right reasons (to move on to something better, reduce stress, etc.) or the wrong reasons (fear of success or failure). Think of something you are debating: Should I go back to the gym or pick up tennis? Should we put our kids in private school or pay off the car loan? What should I eat for dinner? Big or small, this question “What decision would my future self be proud of?” gives us clarity and perspective.

If the answer isn’t clear, it’s time to develop a closer relationship with your future self. This person is your greatest ally, your biggest cheerleader and mentor. To get to know her better, imagine her FAR into the future, looking back on her life with pride and satisfaction.

What were her favorite moments? What accomplishments is she most proud of? How did she overcome the hard times and stay focused on what’s most important? Write a page in your journal as though you are your 90 year old self and you are telling someone about your amazing life.

Then work your way backward to your 70 year old self, 55 year old self, until you really get to know the future you. Help your kids start forming a picture of their future self as well. So they have someone to turn to when their friends, their parents, and the media are all telling them different things to do.

You don’t have to live in Costa Rica to reduce your options and eliminate the stress of making so many decisions. Peace and clarity is available to you anytime, you just have to know who to ask.