My friend was moving back to Costa Rica to enjoy raising her kids with less stress. I asked her, “Why is it so much more relaxing to live there, than here?” We’ve got nature. We’ve got time to play and relax. What is it about living in Costa Rica that makes such a difference? Her answer surprised me. She said “There is less to choose from. Having fewer decisions to make, makes life simpler.” In her small town in Costa Rica, she knows she will be eating rice, beans and fruit, everyday. On the weekends, your kids will be surfing or playing with the neighbors. There’s no “keeping up with the Jones’s” because there is only one store in town and Amazon does not deliver there.
My ears perked up when I heard a story about Barack Obama was moving into The White House, he told his kitchen staff, “Don’t ever ask me what I want to eat. I want to save my decision making energy for more important matters.”
Have you ever taken your kid to a toy store and said, “You can have anything you want in the whole store!” Only to watch them melt down 5 minutes later?
Teens have a lot of decisions to make with long-term consequences. Should I smoke pot? How hard should I study? Should I hang out with different friends? Should I post that picture? Where should I go to school? Who should I live with? Should I use a condom? There is a way to cut through the chaos and help you and your kids, make decisions that are right for you. With this one question, you can get perspective and tune in to your higher self.
“Would my future-self be proud of this decision?”
It was interesting at my Getting What You Want summer camp how easily the teens could answer this question. We used the example of quitting something. “Would my future self be proud that I quit soccer/girl scouts/changed schools?” These girls KNEW if they were quitting for the right reasons (to move on to something better, reduce stress, etc.) or the wrong reasons (fear of success or failure). Think of something you are debating: Should I go back to the gym or pick up tennis? Should we put our kids in private school or pay off the car loan? What should I eat for dinner? Big or small, this question “What decision would my future self be proud of?” gives us clarity and perspective.
If the answer isn’t clear, it’s time to develop a closer relationship with your future self. This person is your greatest ally, your biggest cheerleader and mentor. To get to know her better, imagine her FAR into the future, looking back on her life with pride and satisfaction. What were her favorite moments? What accomplishments is she most proud of? How did she overcome the hard times and stay focused on what’s most important? Write a page in your journal as though you are your 90 year old self and you are telling someone about your amazing life. Then work your way backward to your 70 year old self, 55 year old self, until you really get to know the future you. Help your kids start forming a picture of their future self as well. So they have someone to turn to when their friends, their parents, and the media are all telling them different things to do.
You don’t have to live in Costa Rica to reduce your options and eliminate the stress of making so many decisions. Peace and clarity is available to you anytime, you just have to know who to ask.